I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
