There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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