It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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