Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
