I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
