fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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