I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
