have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
