I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
