I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
