I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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