it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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