guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
