he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
