hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
