I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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