I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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