I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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