Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
