We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
