Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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