She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
