Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
