i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
