I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
