dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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