What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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