3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
