you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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