god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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