okay pat passed out under dana's car
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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