i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
