Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
