i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize