I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
