loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
how does that bad decision feel?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
