I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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