So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
