very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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