Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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