We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
