She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
