You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
