Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
