I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
