she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
