Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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