I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize