Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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