Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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