ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
