pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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