This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
