I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
