just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
