her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
wow bdsm is so cute
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize