i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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