Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
