she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
