He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
