i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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