i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
