i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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