Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
